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[caption id="attachment_2082" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="She's hot, but she hates me"][/caption]
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The entire smoking lounge erupted in laughter as I darted past them to get inside.
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[caption id="attachment_2085" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Ted Washington hates me"][/caption]
[caption id="attachment_2086" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The deus hates me"][/caption]
[caption id="attachment_2087" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Drew hates me, by picking up on The Mother"][/caption]
[caption id="attachment_2088" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The Inlaws like me"][/caption]
[caption id="attachment_2091" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Danielle LoPresti and Alicia Champion"][/caption]
[caption id="attachment_2092" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption=""Hi, I'm in a Ramones cover band. Wanna make out?""][/caption]
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In a group conversation about the subject, my friend Eber said, “The major problem [with Nugent’s analogy] is that the black Jew at the Nazi- Klan rally would likely be the least psychotic attendee, not one of the most.”
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And, NORDIAZEPAM online cod, oh, did the overreactionistas overreact. In their minds, online buy NORDIAZEPAM without a prescription, Rosen had attacked stay-at-home mothering. Buy cheap NORDIAZEPAM no rx, They claimed that her remarks were insulting and hurtful because (duh) parenting is hard work, while utterly ignoring Rosen’s context, which was this: “You have Mitt Romney running around the country, NORDIAZEPAM australia, uk, us, usa, saying, Real brand NORDIAZEPAM online, ‘My wife tells me that what women really care about are economic issues.’ … Well guess what. His wife has never worked a day in her life. BUY NORDIAZEPAM NO PRESCRIPTION, She’s never really dealt with the kinds of economic issues that a majority of the women in this country are facing.”
Now, I happen to disagree that you must have a job to have a valid opinion about the economy, but it’s clear that Rosen wasn’t disparaging a woman’s choice to stay at home; nor did she claim that parenting isn’t hard work. She simply failed to distinguish between the meaning of the word “work, NORDIAZEPAM from canada,” as in toil, Buy NORDIAZEPAM from mexico, and the word “employment.”
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Oh, for crying out Christmastime, order NORDIAZEPAM from mexican pharmacy. I despise this kind of pandering, NORDIAZEPAM results, feel-good safety-speak. Here we have the leader of the goddamn free world saying his job is easier than a homemaker’s. BUY NORDIAZEPAM NO PRESCRIPTION, If he believes that, then maybe he isn’t the right man for the job. Because every mother does not work hard, order NORDIAZEPAM online overnight delivery no prescription, and not all mothers deserve respect, NORDIAZEPAM used for, and to say so is insulting to the moms out there who do work hard and deserve respect.
Ah, but whaddya gonna do, NORDIAZEPAM without prescription. In a world full of overreactionistas just waiting to pounce on anyone who dares speak dangerously, NORDIAZEPAM interactions, we’ve all become fluent in safety-speak—the language of the mediocre.
’Tis true, that when God was giving out smarts, Ted Nugent thought he said “farts” and asked for a dense one, but that’s exactly why you shouldn’t let his ideas set you into a tizzy. The proper response to this sort of oral flatulence is to laugh. Just laugh—from deep in the warm wet womb where funny was born— at the gun-toting clown with saltpeter in his pecker and gunpowder where his brain should be.
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BUY BIAXIN NO PRESCRIPTION, I was at the bar, arguing with an ultra-right-wing, flag-lapel-pin-wearing idiot automaton about the lack of separation between church and state when he blurted, “If you don’t like this country as it was created, then leave!”
Ah, yes, the classic “America, love it or leave it” retort. I actually hadn’t heard this one in a while, BIAXIN without a prescription, Buy no prescription BIAXIN online, thinking it was finally discarded in favor of, you know, is BIAXIN safe, BIAXIN alternatives, intelligent discourse. However, BIAXIN images, BIAXIN pharmacy, a quick Google search when I got home revealed that the Love-it-or-Leaviters are alive and well and still espousing Love It or Leave It theory (LILI) as if it were a golden gem of genius and not what it really is—an angry response for when you have no response to the brilliant point I just made.
I don’t know why I was surprised, where can i cheapest BIAXIN online. What is BIAXIN, “Love It or Leave It!” definitely belongs on the Greatest Hits album of the ultra-right, along with such other charttoppers as “Hit the Road Black (Ode to Obama), cheap BIAXIN no rx, Online BIAXIN without a prescription, ” “Global Warming’s a Joke,” “Fuck the Environmental Police” and the wildly popular anti-marijuana ballad, after BIAXIN, Buy BIAXIN online cod, “Stairway to Heroin.”
“There’s a dealer who knows / pot smoking leads to harder drugs / and he’s plying a stairway to heroin”
The phrase “America, love it or leave it” is what’s known as a false dilemma because it supposes only two options when actually they are bottomless, BIAXIN blogs. For instance, it’s entirely reasonable to “Love it and leave it.” You can also be mildly fond of it and stay, BUY BIAXIN NO PRESCRIPTION. BIAXIN no prescription, You can hate it, die and be buried here—the toxicity of your America-hating corpse seeping into the soil and contaminating it for eternity, BIAXIN online cod. No prescription BIAXIN online, And let’s not forget, “America: I don’t love it; I don’t hate it; I honestly don’t care one way or the other, order BIAXIN online c.o.d, Where can i buy cheapest BIAXIN online, but I ain’t leaving because ignorant, unsophisticated flag-sycophants don’t tell me where I get to live.”
There are just so many problems with LILI theory that it’s difficult to know where to begin, purchase BIAXIN online no prescription. Buy BIAXIN without prescription, For one, anybody who wasn’t born with a ratty wad of used McCain / Palin campaign stickers for a brain knows that just because someone disagrees with his country doesn’t mean he doesn’t love it, effects of BIAXIN. Kjøpe BIAXIN på nett, köpa BIAXIN online, Secondly, why do you care what I think about America, doses BIAXIN work. BUY BIAXIN NO PRESCRIPTION, Are you so insecure about the character of this nation that you must oversee how other people feel about it. BIAXIN over the counter, Isn’t America best when it earns our love and respect, without having to demand it, BIAXIN pics. Buy BIAXIN from mexico, Isn’t that the true test of a great country—when it has the confidence in itself to let its citizens feel however they want to feel about it.
Part of this nation’s greatness is its embrace of dissent, BIAXIN australia, uk, us, usa. Fast shipping BIAXIN, We’ll always have people who openly hate this country, because America was designed to let them openly hate it, BIAXIN treatment, BIAXIN samples, which means, you LILIlivered liberty-lickers, taking BIAXIN, BIAXIN mg, if you don’t like that some Americans don’t like America, then you don’t like America as it was “created” and it is you who should leave, BIAXIN duration. So, either stop complaining or go the fuck back to Waahfrica, BUY BIAXIN NO PRESCRIPTION. Comprar en línea BIAXIN, comprar BIAXIN baratos, Don’t worry, you’ll love it there, buy cheap BIAXIN no rx. Purchase BIAXIN for sale, Because in Waahfrica, everyone must wear flag lapel pins, about BIAXIN, BIAXIN gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release, everyone must recite the Pledge of Allegiance and everyone must become a member of at least one of the country’s countless waahctivist groups, such as Families for People Having to Leave Waahfrica if They Don’t Love Waahfrica or Veterans Against Deceased Waahfrica-Haters Being Buried on Waahfrican Soil, where to buy BIAXIN. BIAXIN no rx, But of all the things that drive me crazy about you LILIputians, it’s your brazen hypocrisy that tips the hippo: When there’s something I don’t like about America, I’m anti-American and I have to go, but when it’s something you don’t like, that’s perfectly acceptable. And, oh yes, there’s plenty that you don’t like about America: You don’t like our abortion laws, our immigration laws, our meddlesome gun laws, our tax laws, our medical-marijuana laws, our labor laws and our environmental laws. BUY BIAXIN NO PRESCRIPTION, Add to that the president, our process-heavy legal system, ACLU, NEA, PBS, IRS, Medicare, welfare and the greatest of all American staples—hot, steamy sex just for the sport of it.
The list of things that the Loveit-or-Leaviters can’t stand about America is as deep and wide as Michelle Duggar’s wasted babyhole, yet nobody ever says “Love it or leave it” to them. And that’s because those of us who don’t have a bag of rusty flag pins where our brains used to be know that the world is more complex than a single, infantile cliché.
We know that if everyone had to leave America because there was something they didn’t love about it, the only people left would be infants, the comatose and Persian nightclub owners.
We know there’s a huge difference between loving America and understanding that it’s not perfect—even if we disagree on how to improve it.
We know the whole point of a democracy is that we get to at least try to change what we don’t like. How can anyone other than a hypocritical LILIdouchian flagophant not know that.
“Git up git git git down / Global warming is a joke in yo town.” —“Global Warming is a Hoax” by Public Hegemony.
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PROSCAR FOR SALE, ….and faster than America can overreact to something Rush Limbaugh said, my life was changed by a 99-cent iPhone application. Holla-freaking-Looya, canada, mexico, india. Buy PROSCAR from canada, The app is called Code Red, and what it is, my PROSCAR experience, PROSCAR canada, mexico, india, what it does—well it has saved my sanity, and quite likely, PROSCAR natural, PROSCAR description, my life.
Code Red is an ingenious little tool that warns you when your wife or girlfriend—or any cohabitating female for that matter—is about to have her period, PROSCAR brand name. PROSCAR forum, How it works is simple. You open the calendar, enter the date of the beginning of your lady’s last menstrual cycle, and Code Red does the rest, PROSCAR FOR SALE.
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After Smooth Sailing comes the Ovulation alert, in light orange text that says, buy PROSCAR without a prescription, PROSCAR pictures, “She is fertile . , PROSCAR no rx. . Online buying PROSCAR hcl, and extra horny,” and provides a series of helpful tips to prevent you from spoiling your opportunity to get laid, effects of PROSCAR. PROSCAR blogs, Including:
“Time to rediscover Sade.”
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“Wear good underwear, purchase PROSCAR online. Where can i cheapest PROSCAR online, Save the ripped ones for period weeks.”
After Ovulation, is more Smooth Sailing, order PROSCAR from mexican pharmacy, Generic PROSCAR, followed by the PMS Alert—in a foreboding dark orange text that blares, “INCOMING!” It’s rather startling the first few times you encounter it—like a tornado siren in a trailer park—and takes some getting used to, buy PROSCAR without a prescription. PROSCAR duration, “It is time to prepare for the storm ahead,” followed by a dozen-or-so tips including:
“Compliment her hair, buy generic PROSCAR. Remember, it doesn’t look cute, it looks sexy.”
“Give her the remote, PROSCAR FOR SALE. About PROSCAR, Learn to love Lifetime.”
“Send a random ‘I love you text.’ Don’t abbreviate with a ‘U.’”
“Happily agree to go to (annoying place) even though castration sounds more appealing.”
Then comes the alert you’ve been dreading, foretelling the arrival of the scarlet tsunami: Code Red, buy PROSCAR from canada. Where to buy PROSCAR, “If she complains about cramps, bloating, PROSCAR long term, PROSCAR dosage, depression [etc.], shake your head sympathetically and say, buy PROSCAR online cod, Fast shipping PROSCAR, ‘I have no idea how you deal with this month after month. You’re amazing.’”
“If you have plans, say you’d rather stay home. Chances are she’ll want you to leave and then it will seem like her idea.”
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Code Red was created by Lisi and Kevin Harrison, a husband and wife team who have been together for “180 menstrual cycles.”
“It’s good for everyone,” says Lisi, “a giant step towards world peace.”
Now, I will grant you, most of the tips seem obvious but, as a brain-dead married man, I often miss the tell-tale signs for when Mars Attacks my homestead. And I often (read: always) forget to do the things they suggest. It’s great to have organized reminders so I can implement such strategies without thinking too much about it. After all, what do married men want most but to not think about all this marital maintenance minutia.
Oh Code Red, where have you been all my life.
My one complaint about the application is that it only accounts for normal women with normal menses, PROSCAR FOR SALE. There are no tips for men who are living with that certain, special menstrual case—like my wife for example, whose merlot mongoose is so vicious, it will rip the entrails out of your wife’s mongoose then walk off cackling and licking blood from its claws.
Where most women have periods, my wife has exclamation points. Three of them!!.
True story: we once hired a team of professional hit men to assassinate my wife’s menstrual cycle but they were found dead in the gutter with sharpened tampons shoved into their eyes. PROSCAR FOR SALE, The point is, for guys in my extraordinary situation, Code Red should include a more advanced, more preventative section of tips—the kind of tips a fella really needs when the ship hits the glands—tips like:
Retrieve plate mail armor from attic.
Remove knives from kitchen drawer.
Cancel life insurance plan (no need to provide her further incentive to murder you in the heart).
Remove “Goodbye Earl,” and “Janie’s Got a gun,” from her iPod.
Fake own death.
Buy puppy she’s been wanting (it’ll give her something to kill other than you).
And for Smooth Sailing tips I would add:
Repair windows and walls. Replace broken dishes.
Email friends and family: “Still alive, thanks for your concerns.”
Bury puppy and give eulogy: “You took one for the team, Job. You shan’t be forgotten.”
Rekindle romance—with your Xbox!
By the way, Code Red tells me that it will be “Smooth Sailing” when this article runs. That’s no accident. I would never have gotten away with it otherwise. Thank you Code Red.
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I was zip, zip, zipping through Ocean Beach on my little, black and silver, 150-cc Lance Milan putt-putt motor scooter when I pulled alongside a real biker, dressed in full-blown biker-gang-guy regalia, leaning on his obnoxiously loud Harley waiting for the light to turn green.
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Seriously, though, order PRANDIN no prescription, for me—a scooter makes crazy-good sense: For one reason, Buy generic PRANDIN, it’s a huge money saver. The gas, insurance, registration—even the cost of the vehicle itself— combined, is only a little more expensive than renting a couple of Pauly Shore impersonators for a party, BUY PRANDIN NO PRESCRIPTION. Second, I work from home, herbal PRANDIN, which means no long freeway commutes. Is PRANDIN addictive, And, lastly, I live at the beach, PRANDIN treatment, where parking is scarce and the traffic is fierce, PRANDIN no rx, making a scooter an ideal vehicle because: a scooter parks anywhere; a scooter effortlessly darts in and out of alleys and backstreets; and a scooter splits the lane to get to the front of the line at traffic lights—which is exactly what I was doing when I came upon the biker.
Now, for the record, buy PRANDIN from canada, I didn’t nod to him as though I thought we were badass biker brethren of the road—as if we had something in common the way, PRANDIN class, say, a Corvette owner would nod at another Vette owner, or the way black men in Alpine nod on the oft chance they cross paths, PRANDIN recreational. No. BUY PRANDIN NO PRESCRIPTION, I nodded to him because we were standing right next to each other, looking at each other. Purchase PRANDIN online no prescription, It was a human-to-human nod for crissake, not biker-to-biker. I would never consider my little 150-cc, my PRANDIN experience, Lance Milan, Is PRANDIN safe, zip-zip, putt-putt motor scooter to be in his hog’s league. However, effects of PRANDIN, I’m also not going to feel inferior because my chosen mode of transportation doesn’t meet the approval of a man who cuts off the arms of a leather jacket with a hacksaw and thinks that’s punk rock. Where can i order PRANDIN without prescription, When the light turned green, he revved up and peeled out, leaving me in a poisonous cloud of noise pollution, PRANDIN use, hate pollution and pollution pollution. And what I thought, as I stared at the back of his motorcycle jacket, with the motorcycle-club iron-on patch was, He thinks I’m the pussy!, BUY PRANDIN NO PRESCRIPTION. PRANDIN from canada, The guy who irons decorative patches onto the back of a sawed-off leather jacket because he thinks that’s punk. The guy who replaced the stock tailpipes on his ride with ones that are twice as loud—for no other reason than to be noticed and/or annoying. The guy and belongs to some juvenile social club with handshakes, buy cheap PRANDIN no rx, passwords, Comprar en línea PRANDIN, comprar PRANDIN baratos, parliamentary-style bylaws and arbitrary officer rankings. Because you know how those first meetings always go: “OK, so I’ll be the President, PRANDIN gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release, and Bear will be V.P., PRANDIN coupon, and Vulgor is the Road Captain, and Sammy “the Hammer” will be Sergeant at Arms”—and then you have the “prospects,” who are basically college-fraternity pledges, where can i buy cheapest PRANDIN online, which is really what these biker gangs are, After PRANDIN, rolling fraternities, the only difference being that biker gangs have goofier names. Here are just a few nuggets of comedy I found on MotorcycleClubIndex.com:
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I swear to God, I am seriously thinking about going gay just so I can wear that patch on the back of my sawed off leather jacket. At least then, when I encounter one of these holier-than-thou Harley enthusiasts on my little zip-zip, putt-putt motor scooter, he’d have a reason to object to my presence: because my iron-on biker-gang patch isn’t making fun of gay people. It’s making fun of him, and his amusing fraternity, preposterous costume and obnoxiously loud tail pipes which he intentionally modifed for no other reason than to be obnoxious and loud.
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To the latter, I now say “Pfft!” It takes an enormous amount of talent and hard work to re-create the nuances and capture the essence of other bands. I know because I’ve seen hundreds fail trying, CIPRO results. However the great ones, Cheap CIPRO no rx, what they do—it’s a goddamn miracle. CIPRO FOR SALE, In fact, I can make the argument that it’s more difficult to be in a cover band, because a cover band has to sound like—nay, become—another band, whereas original artists merely have to be themselves.
Is it art. Well, online buying CIPRO, that depends on your definition. CIPRO canada, mexico, india, But here’s the thing: Why must it be art. Why can’t it just be, you know, where can i find CIPRO online, entertaining. Must a hamburger be art in order for it to be enjoyed, CIPRO FOR SALE. CIPRO overnight, This is what snobbery does to a person: It puts up a wall of superiority between us and the things we might otherwise fancy.
Ultimate Music Challenge obliterated my Great Wall of Snobbery almost instantly. I remember the first night, CIPRO steet value. Of the five bands that played, Online CIPRO without a prescription, three were spectacular. CIPRO FOR SALE, However, when I realized I was actually enjoying myself, the little OMS on my shoulder told me, “This is lame, dude. Get out now before you blow your street cred!” Then another little guy appeared on my other shoulder. It was OMG (Open-minded Music Guy), CIPRO gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release, and OMG stuffed a rag in OMS’s mouth and said, CIPRO photos, “It don’t need to be art, ya old crank. It just needs to be great.”
Indeed, CIPRO pics, many of these bands are great (disclosure: some are friends)—bands like The Ultimate Stones, CIPRO duration, who look, sound and seem so much like the real thing that the original Stones are wondering how anybody snuck past their burglar alarms to pinch their DNA in the middle of the night.
[caption id="attachment_1998" align="aligncenter" width="235" caption="Mick "Jagged" of The Ultimate Stones"][/caption]
Like Siren’s Crush—a fun-loving, CIPRO without prescription, talk-boxing, CIPRO long term, dance-party-pop group with some of the tightest, virtuosic musicians in the area and three sumptuous concubines taking turns on vocals, synchro-dancing their asses off, CIPRO from mexico, and changing in and out of a beguiling array of costumes.
Like Monsters of Rock, who play a variety of metal tunes by Maiden, Sabbath, Queensryche and others; form a wall of guitars that sound like two trains passing each other in the tunnel between here and Hades; and feature an ensorcelled singer whose high-pitched howls regularly shatter the windows in that Hell-bound train, CIPRO FOR SALE. Buy CIPRO online cod, [caption id="attachment_2001" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Monsters of Rock tear up UMC 5"][/caption]
Like Alice and the Cooper Gang, complete with 11-foot albino python, functioning guillotine, generic CIPRO, bizarre stage props and quasi-violent stage antics such as beheading random audience members. CIPRO forum, Like Geezer, who perform Weezer mash-ups in the character of old men. They hobble on stage with walkers, doses CIPRO work, take occasional naps and gripe about their grandchildren. Japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, Like AC/DC tribute Back 2 Black, featuring a Brian Johnson look- and sound-alike and a guitarist who channels Angus. Like CIPRO FOR SALE, Hey. Ho, CIPRO interactions. Let’s Go!, who have a classically trained vocalist who sang for the San Diego and Lyric Operas yet rocks the Ramone voice at will. Like the Beatles tribute Help!, whose primary frontman is a ringer for John Lennon. Like Cash’d Out, a sickeningly masterful Johnny Cash replica.
[caption id="attachment_2003" align="aligncenter" width="194" caption="Alice and the Cooper Gang"][/caption]
Like Three Chord Justice, who do a cover of “Jolene” that will make you weep, CIPRO FOR SALE. Like Electric Waste Band, who’ve been summoning the ghosts of the Grateful Dead since before Jerry died. Like Dazed and Confused, Clay Colton, Skynyrd’s Innyrds, Funk’s Most Wanted, Phil Diiorio, Stellita’s Groove, The Tighten ups, Firefly and 6one9.
All of these bands are still active, so I implore you, OMSs: Give cheese a chance. And when the guy on your shoulder starts talking shit, just shove a rag in his mouth and say, “Shut up, ya old crab. I’m trying to hear this.
[caption id="attachment_2004" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The Ultimate Stones win UMC 3"][/caption].
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Originally Published in San Diego CityBeat Magazine BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION,
It has been two weeks since my beloved New York Giants took Super Bowl XLVI, and still the pernicious missives from my Giants-Hating Chargers-fan friends keep rolling in.
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“Eli and the Giants are the only team that can make me root for the Patriots,” blurts C., is GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE addictive, from a neighboring stool at The Tilted Stick. GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE blogs, The anti-Manning vitriol really snowballed in the weeks leading to the Super Bowl, but I’ve pretty much been hearing this stuff from Chargers-Loving Anti-Manning Malcontents (CLAMMs) since 2004. For those who don’t remember, the Chargers were planning to select Manning in the first round of the 2004 draft, BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION. However, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE trusted pharmacy reviews, in a rare (though precedented) move, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE schedule, Manning refused to sign with the Chargers, instantly turning every Charger fan into a Manning-despising, Giants-hating activist and utterly complicated my life as a native New Yorker living in San Diego, where can i buy GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online.
See, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE cost, I’m a Giants fan by birthright. However, being that I’ve lived in San Diego for most of my adult life and absolutely love this town, order GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE from mexican pharmacy, I also root for the Bolts. Buying GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online over the counter, And ever since the Manning / Chargers hubbub, I’ve come to feel like a child watching his parents go through an ugly divorce. BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION, So, I write this column to ask all my CLAMMy pals: Now that the dust has settled on Super Bowl 46, isn’t it time to let go of your grudge against the Giants. Not only because we’ve twice crushed your arch-enemy Patriots—left them so badly mangled and twitching on their own 49-yard line that they’ll never be able hurt you or your Chargers again—but also because Manning got a bum rap, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE used for. It’s true. GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE samples, The only thing he did wrong in 2004 was make a brilliant career move.
With a record of 4-12, the 2003 Chargers were one of the worst teams in the universe, my GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE experience. Even the Tralfamadore Swampworms of ’82 were better than the ’03 Chargers, who, if you remember, had an offensive line that couldn’t stop The Dixie Chicks, receivers who couldn’t catch a shoplifter in a refrigerator store and a defense that formed a human pyramid every time coach said they needed a “goal-line stand.” Worst of all was that Manning knew the Spanos-addled front office—as we all know now—could never win a Super Bowl, BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION.
If you don’t think that was enough motivation to keep him from signing, Discount GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, then just imagine what holiday dinners at the Manning house would have been like if he had. Picture father Archie Manning—the QB legend—at the head of the table, boasting, kjøpe GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE på nett, köpa GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online, “Did y’all see Peyton throw that winning touchdown in the fourth quarter last night. Is GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE safe, Outstanding!” And his mother, Olivia—the former Homecoming Queen—cooing, “Oh, purchase GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, yes, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE without a prescription, Arch, our son the superstar threw for 350 yards and six touchdowns!” And Cooper, the other brother, herbal GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, saying, Comprar en línea GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, comprar GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE baratos, “Hey, Peyton, can I touch your ring again?” Meanwhile, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE no prescription, Eli toys with his food and silently mopes. Cheap GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, “So, Eli,” Archie says, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE description, finally aware of his youngest son’s existence, Rx free GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, “how’s it going down there in, um, in—what’s the name of that town again, where can i cheapest GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online. BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION, San D’onofre. San Da Cruz. Where can i buy cheapest GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online, San Dancisco. Olivia, help me out here.”
“San Diego, what is GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, honey, Order GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE from United States pharmacy, ” Olivia says.
“Yeah, that’s it, purchase GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online no prescription. How’s it going with the San Diego Churros, Eli?”
“Great dad—only got sacked 15 times on Sunday, BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION. Oh, Online buying GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE hcl, and I would have completed my first TD pass of the season if Osgood hadn’t ducked from the ball!”
“Why did he do that?”
“He thought a fan was throwing feces at him again.”
I know what you’re thinking, CLAMMs. You’re thinking, buy GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE without a prescription, OK, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE price, maybe, the 2003 Chargers stunk, but Manning cheated, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE maximum dosage. He didn’t abide by the rules of the draft. Effects of GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, Wrong. BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION, You do not have to play for the team that drafts you. The rules state that if a player refuses to sign, then he’s not allowed to play in the upcoming season, low dose GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, but he can re-enter the draft the following year, Buy GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE without prescription, which was a risk Manning was willing to take. And the risk paid off—for everyone. The Chargers drafted Manning and traded him to the Giants for (ultimately) Philip Rivers, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE dangers, Shawne Merriman and Nate Kaeding. Order GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online c.o.d, Regardless, San Diegans raved with contempt and have been calling Manning a “cry baby” ever since. But I never understood this, BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION. Why begrudge a person for wanting to improve his station in life, buy no prescription GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online. How does that make him a “cry baby”. If you think about it, it’s actually the opposite. When you take hold of the reins of your life—when you change something about it that you don’t like—that’s not crying, that’s doing.
Crying is when you complain about something you can’t BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION, change—like, say, when a coveted football player snubs your team. “Waah, waah, wah, Eli doesn’t like us, waah, waah” is what it sounds like to me. As for Manning, he’s no baby. Manning’s the Man, man. He never complains or talks shit in the media. He doesn’t get rattled in the pocket or point fingers when he’s knocked down, BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION. Dude’s a badass.
So, c’mon San Diego, don’t be sore. He just wasn’t that into you is all. Time to kiss and make up, you know, for the sake of the children. That’d be me—for the sake of me. I can’t stand it when the two of you fight.
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BUY MOTOFEN NO PRESCRIPTION, Well, Jay-Z and Beyoncé finally had their baby, which can only mean one thing: Here comes another baby song!
You know what I’m talking about, right. Fast shipping MOTOFEN, One of those intolerable, "Oh-my-precious-little-angel-it’s-a-miracle-that-you-were-born-unto-me" tunes that a songwriter is compelled to write every time he or she pops out another squirmer.
Whether you believe newborn babies are miraculous gifts from God or subterranean alien vampire-rats bent on draining your life force, MOTOFEN class, MOTOFEN pharmacy, can we at least agree that songs about babies tend to suck rusty buckets of contaminated amniotic fluid?
And this new tune by Jay-Z is especially abominable.
“You’re a child of destiny / You’re the child of my destiny / You’re my child with the child from Destiny’s Child / That’s a hell of recipe.”
OK. I want you to pause for a moment and marvel at the pure hideosity of that line: “You’re my child with the child from Destiny’s Child.” I want you to bask in the rays of its badness like a pale-skinned woman on an overpowered tanning bed; absorb the radiation of it on your face and neck—mind not the blisters and the hair loss— for a lyric as bad as this is a thing to behold.
Britney Spears’ “My Baby” is no less irradiated: “With no words at all / So tiny and small / In love I fall / My precious love / Sent from above / My baby boo / God I thank you.”
I want you to imagine that you’re Britney’s baby being spoon-fed in the kitchen, MOTOFEN natural, MOTOFEN over the counter, when suddenly mommy starts singing that song to you. Wouldn’t you eject the strained carrots onto her shirt and blurt, ordering MOTOFEN online, MOTOFEN mg, “Bitch, you better get your ass back in the rehearsal studio!”?
In Brit’s defense, MOTOFEN coupon, Taking MOTOFEN, “My Baby” sounds like a John Prine political ditty compared with Creed’s criminally negligent baby ballad, “With Arms Wide Open.” The worst part about that afterbirth is the video, where to buy MOTOFEN, Order MOTOFEN no prescription, which features singer Scott Stapp posing on a mountain top, his “arms wide open” toward the sky, MOTOFEN price, coupon, MOTOFEN for sale, his long, gorgeous Jesus-locks blowing in the wind and the fetor of a thousand soiled diapers blustering from his howl-hole.
Speaking of mucky diapers, canada, mexico, india, Where can i order MOTOFEN without prescription, Lauryn Hill’s baby song, “To Zion, purchase MOTOFEN for sale, MOTOFEN no rx, ” is a rash on the ass of all that is right and good. Lord knows Hill is full of herself, buy MOTOFEN from canada, MOTOFEN alternatives, but how much of a messiah complex must you have in order to name your kid Zion?
And, look, purchase MOTOFEN online, MOTOFEN treatment, I dig Stevie Wonder as much as the next guy, but “Isn’t She Lovely” isn’t, order MOTOFEN online overnight delivery no prescription. The melody is as mesmeric as a busted mobile, and all Stevie does is sing “Isn’t she lovely, isn’t she wonderful, isn’t she special” over and over again like a drill burrowing into the part of the brain that represses the urge to take sniper shots at random pedestrians.
I will concede that John Lennon’s song for Sean, “Beautiful Boy,” is lovely, BUY MOTOFEN NO PRESCRIPTION. MOTOFEN australia, uk, us, usa, But I often wonder how messed up it must be for Julian whenever he hears his dad gushing on the radio or jukebox, “Beautiful, australia, uk, us, usa, MOTOFEN from canada, beautiful, beautiful… darling, no prescription MOTOFEN online, Online buy MOTOFEN without a prescription, darling, darling Sean”—given that Lennon neglected Julian as a child, MOTOFEN images, MOTOFEN from canadian pharmacy, which makes Lennon something of a parental dickweed, nullifying any fatherhood songs written by him.
The list goes on, buy MOTOFEN no prescription. Buy cheap MOTOFEN no rx, The Dixie Chicks’ baby anthem “Godspeed” is in dire need of a spanking. “Prayer for You” by Usher should have been terminated in the first trimester, MOTOFEN online cod. Buy generic MOTOFEN, “Just the Two of Us” by Will Smith needs a circumcision—at the base. And it’s utterly impossible to keep your formula down should you happen to hear “In my Daughter’s Eyes” by Martina McBride.
BUY MOTOFEN NO PRESCRIPTION, And, yes, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, MOTOFEN dose, MOTOFEN brand name, Oh, Ed, MOTOFEN schedule, Buy MOTOFEN without a prescription, you hate baby songs because you don’t have any children and don’t understand the miracle of new life.
You needn’t be a parent to understand the miracle of new life, MOTOFEN results. MOTOFEN use, Nor do you need to understand the miracle of life to scrutinize a song about the miracle of life, just as I don’t need to live in South Central L.A, MOTOFEN for sale. to know “Straight Outta Compton” is a badass song about living in South Central L.A.
No, these baby songs suck for two simple reasons:
1. Childbirth is such an enormous, sentimental event in most of our lives that our emotions can be easily manipulated, BUY MOTOFEN NO PRESCRIPTION. You could write the lamest piece of cliché-addled garbage and everyone will blubber over it, leaving songwriters no incentive to compose something truly original and profound.
2. Baby songs never tell the whole story about parenting—no tunes about sleepless nights and bedraggled days; no odes about giving up your dreams, your friends, your drugs and your porn collection; no power ballads about how you’ll age an average of five years for every day you cohabitate with a toddler. There are no verses that mention that the only movies you’ll be permitted to watch for the next dozen years will feature talking cartoon animals and worse, a moral to the story, nor are there any refrains about how your sacrifices will go unappreciated—because they think it’s invisible elves who stock the refrigerator and replace the toilet paper—and the day will come when not only will they not appreciate you; in fact, they will hate you. Sure as the babysitter will raid the liquor cabinet and blow her boyfriend on your couch, your children are going to hate your guts.
This is the thanks you’ll get for giving them life, because they are cold, cruel tyrants, and you are but a peasant who mollycoddles them. Hmm, I like that: “Cold Cruel Tyrant.” Now, see, that’s a baby song that needs to be written!.
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