The Top Ten To-Do List of the newly appointed Pope Benedict XVI
10) Have driver’s license changed from “Ratzinger” to “Benedict.”
9) New rims for Popemobiles.
Remodel Vatican dungeon. Replace damaged or rusty torture devices.
7) Remove phone taps and other secret listening devices from Ozzy Osbourne’s home [Can't understand what he's saying anyway].
6) Sign up of free email. See if Asskicker_vicar@hotmail.com is still available.
5) Produce a child molestation awareness video to be viewed by all incoming priests. Possible title: Father McDoogan Has Naughty Feelings
4) Apply for Papal discount at Wal-Mart
3) Shackle Cardinal Law to newly painted dungeon wall. Let rats eat his toes.
2) Install phone taps and secret listening devices in Dan Brown’s apartment. Reuse old bugs from Ozzy’s pad.
1) Look into this AIDS thingy everyone keeps talking about. See if leeching doesn’t help.
