The Pledge of Allegiance is in the news again. This exhausting debate over whether the phrase “Under God,” belongs in the Pledge is a potent distraction from the real problem with this thing. The real problem with the Pledge of Allegiance is that we have a Pledge of Allegiance in the first place.
“I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America.” The whole thing seems a little Orwellian for my taste: The systematic programming of American Youth, the assembly-lining of an idea, the pressure to conform – it’s all there. What’s worse, we are asking children to pledge to an entity about which they know very little: These kids know nothing about foreign policy, nothing about history, or war, or death. They don't even know the words of the pledge. When I was a kid I thought the line "And the Republic" was "Amanda Republic." I didn't know who Amanda Republic was and why I should be pledging allegiance to her but I made the pledge anyway because that's what was expected of me. So how can we ask children to make such a powerful, eternal, pledge of allegiance with those unknowing child-brains of theirs? It’s like tricking someone into signing a contract before he/she has read it. I know one thing for certain: if I knew about America then what I know now, I’d be like, “Whoa Teach! Slow down there! – You want me to pledge whatchima to whozit now? Sorry, I don’t know anyone named Amanda Republic and I’m not signing anything till my lawyer gets here.”
But that’s not what happens. Because children are these wonderful, malleable, idiots who will memorize, recite, and believe anything you tell them. Then that kid grows up to host his own talk show, and he’s yapping on the air about the importance of some asinine childhood pledge he never understood, and never came to understand, and he’s getting all thin in the throat about how he loves that Pledge sooo much without ever truly understanding what a keg of bullshit the Pledge of Allegiance really is.
“And the Republic, for which it stands”:
A thinking man can not take this pledge. Even if you concede the point that our government is fair and right and good, you can't account for what the government might become. Governments change their personalities. Good rulers go bad – driven mad by fear, despair, and supple young pages. What if America suddenly started dropping our radioactive turds all over the globe simply because we enjoy the sound of splintering glass? Will you support it then? You made a pledge son. If a pledge ain’t forever, then it ain’t worth the spit you say it with.
This is the essence of the fascinating paradox that is the Pledge of Allegiance: To truly devote yourself to your country you must revolt when it misbehaves. That is the ultimate act of patriotism. And it doesn’t matter a good God damn what promise you spake in class some 30 years ago, when you were just a little twit.
“One nation, indivisible”: Ok, let’s see, 75 percent of polled white Americans believed O.J. was guilty, while 75 percent of polled blacks believed he was innocent. Like Hell, indivisible. You want divides, we’ve got divides. Step right up. How about that grizzly no-man’s-land between those who want this war and those who rue it? How about Indian reservations? Oh, we’ve got divides. How about the generation gap, the gender gap, the gay Gap? How about the cold war between the classes? You want divides, please, America is a veritable Divides-R-Us.”
“Under God”: In 1954, The Knights of Columbus successfully campaigned to have Under God (UG) added to the Pledge. Even though religion is the Grand Canyon of all divides, they selfishly placed UG smack in the middle of the very sentence that was trying to sell all that “unity” ca-ca in the first place.
. . . With Liberty and Justice For all: With the “All” meaning, “All" Americans – except of course for Muslims, Buddhists, oh, and the homos, and atheists, and anyone else whom God hates. Those folks can all go to hell.”
Maybe ye who desire UG to stay in the Pledge of Allegiance believe the aforementioned souls shouldn’t be allowed to stand under the nurturing umbrella of the Republic. Maybe you’re perfectly comfortable with the religion divide. Fine, but at least admit a divide exists. Then stop bitching at me when I state loudly and proudly that I will never take your pledge. Because you haven’t included me – the Godless one -- and because, frankly, I’m embarrassed to be an American right now.
I’m embarrassed about this war into which we've lurched. I'm embarrassed how we squandered nearly all of our goodwill. I’m embarrassed that we incarcerate drug users. I’m embarrassed that our police shoot the mentally ill. I’m embarrassed that we hang or electrocute human beings on purpose. I’m embarrassed that we built this country atop the grave of the natives. I am embarrassed over our rampant narcissism. I’m embarrassed that we hate France for disagreeing with this war. I am embarrassed that Nora Jones beat Springsteen for “Album of the Year.” I am just flat out embarrassed.
Speaking of France, here is a country that knows how to compose a pledge. Take this minimalist dandy from the French Revolution: “Liberty, equality, fraternity.” That’s it baby. Three simple words: No bull, no fluff. Just the real deal. Now that’s a pledge I can say with a hand on my heart.
EJD
3/05/03