An Open Letter to Yankee Fans Who are Upset about the David Ortiz Jersey Prank

Dear Yankee fans,

Get a freaking grip. Any of you who are whining about the Boston fan (Gino Castignoli) who buried a David Ortiz jersey under a cement slab in the new Yankee stadium, needs to look up the word “prank” in the dictionary and take a freaking pill of chillness.

C’mon, you have to admit, for a Red Sox fan with limited cranial capacity, that was a pretty good one.

So stop yer cryin. You’re a Yankee fan man! Time to do what a real Yankee fan would do, which is plan a little payback prank of your own.

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Secretly replace all the urinal mats in Fenway bathrooms with new urinal mats that have the Red Sox logo on the underside.

2. During Yankee games at Fenway, hire a plane to fly a banner over the stadium with the following two words: “BUCKY DENT.” (For Mets’ games, the banner should say, “BILL BUCKNER.”)

3. Tell Manny Ramirez that the league has decided to allow 4 strikes for every at bat. Don’t worry, Manny’ll believe it.

4. At the next Fenway home game, bind and gag and stuff into a closet whoever is supposed to throw the honorary first pitch. Have David Tyree throw it instead.

And last but not least,

5. Bury a David Ortiz jersey under a cement slab in Fenway – with David Ortiz still in it!

That’s all I have for now, anyone else?