(Originally published in SD CityBeat Summer Guide Issue 5/14/08)
1. “Hello, may I rub lotion on your nose?”
2. “Playing doctor is for kids. Let’s play Lifeguard!”
3. “If I said you had a beautiful rescue tube, would you hold it against me?”
4. “Do you know the difference between an orgasm and the breast stroke? You don’t!? Well let’s go swimming.”
5. “This mouth isn’t going to resuscitate itself!”
6. “Your lifeguard stand or mine?”
7. “You know, a deep, dark tan would look really hot on you – by the way, my name’s Tan.”
8. Hand the lifeguard a piece of paper with your number and a note that says, “Help! I’m drowning in a sea of losers – please call me.”
9. “I’m new in town. Could you show me the way to your heart?”
10. “I’m not much of a swimmer. Can you teach me your strokes?
11. “Do you want to see my new dive? It’s called the, “Holy-crap-you-are-so-hot-will-you-marry-me,” triple gainer.
12. “Do lifeguards carry handcuffs?”
13. “Your name must be Ripp Tyde because when I look into your eyes I drift away.”
14. “Wanna go into the water with me and check out the swell?”
