Recently, the U.S. Supreme Court agreed to hear a discrimination case brought by The Christian Legal Society (CLS) against University of California’s Hastings College of Law (UC Hastings) because the university denied the Christian group recognition as an official campus organization based on the Christian group’s policy against homosexuality.

Put another way, UC Hastings excluded the CLS because the CLS excludes gays.

Of course, the CLS—and just about every other Christian group in the country that thinks “The First Amendment” is a term Italian seamstresses use to describe the initial time they repaired an item of clothing—have expressed their disgust for the UC Hastings’ decision.

“Public universities shouldn’t single out Christian student groups for discrimination,” said Kim Colby, a spokesperson for the CLS. “We trust the Supreme Court will not allow UC Hastings to continue to deprive Christian Legal Society… by forcing the group to abandon its identity as a Christian student organization.”

Wow. “Discriminate”? “Deprive”? “Single out”? “Force to abandon”? This from the people who are always running at the mouth about how this country was founded on Christian principles, by Christian forefathers, and is overwhelmingly populated by Christians—yet somehow manage to get their rectums all in a rectangle because they think they are the ones who are being excluded.

Not only are these people not victims of exclusion, they are the excluders of the worst sort. They are The Exclusionista—an organized, rampaging junta invading The City of Inclusivity, storming its palace, killing the burgermeister and raping his wife and daughters. After all, who “discriminates” more than the religious right? Who “deprives” and “singles out” more than the moral majority. Who “forces to abandon” more than those fundamentalist faith-crazed homothropes who commit their sons and daughters to reparative aversion therapy and other forms of mind control to “force them to abandon” their same-sex predilections? I believe there is a special desk job in Hell’s DMV for anyone who can do that in the name of their faith and have the gall to claim victimhood.

Take, for instance, the holiday season. Oh, how they stomped and spit and shat themselves when (and if) they were prohibited from erecting their nativity scenes on government property, all the while ignoring that, when government favors one religion, it does so at the exclusion of the others.

Ditto the Mount Soledad war memorial controversy (which, incidentally, may be headed back to court). The Exclusionista howled to Christ on high whenever anyone tried to exclude their precious, bloated cross from city land, forgetting that the cross excludes every fallen soldier who did not believe Jesus died for our sins yet died in our fucking wars regardless.

Then you have Proposition 8 and the gay-marriage debate. Prop. 8 is The Exclusionista’s magnum opus. It is their finest symphony and, really, Prop. 8 should be called, “Symphony Eight,” because it’s so good that it’s actually one better than Beethoven’s Ninth.

Also known as “My little symphony in F.U.,” The Exclusionista’s eighth begins with two oboes prancing across the first movement like two fems figure-skating upon a frozen lake of gayness. Then the baritone bassoons thunder in, as if to say to the oboes, “Get off our ice, get off our ice, you are so gay, get off our ice.” And the oboes go, “No, no, no, we will not go,” and back and forth they continue until the clarinets and flutes—the goodwinds—pipe in, imploring the gays, “Please, gays, please, get off the ice. The bassoons will kick your ass real bad if you do not soon get off that ice,” and the trumpets trumpet their approval and the chimes chime-in in agreement, and then, for the finale, the bassoons and woodwinds (et tu, woodwinds?) all come crashing down on the oboes to the savage beat of the homophobic timpani.

“All student groups have the right to associate with people of like-mind and interest,” said Gregory S. Baylor, a lawyer representing the CLS. And you know what? He’s right. Indeed, not only student groups, but every organization or individual has the right to associate with whom they choose, such as, hmm—say—the people who attend or operate a university. UC Hastings has the same right, right? They have a right to jettison the CLS because, if it’s OK for the CLS to exclude gays, then it’s OK for UC Hastings to exclude gay excluders. Ditto the rest of us. If you want to have a lodge that doesn’t allow gays, then fine, go ahead and exclude the gays. You can call it the He-Man Homo-Haters Club for all I care. And if you want to start a group that excludes Jews, blacks, Albanians or alcoholic mimes, then so be it. Alcoholic mimes can start their own group. And they, in turn, can jettison the stoner clowns. Exclude all you want, people, just don’t cry like Glenn Beck at a Coldplay concert when you get excluded, too.

And don’t expect a dime of the public’s money to support your bigoted private clubs. Don’t expect to be endorsed with land grants or tax exemptions that were paid for by the very people you want to exclude. And, most assuredly, Christian Legal Society, if you want to be an officially recognized organization on the campus of a publicly funded school, then dump your group’s medieval bylaws into a time capsule and send them back to the 14th century, where they belong.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 7th, 2010 at 10:23 pm and is filed under (religion), Last 10 Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.