[caption id="attachment_1723" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Giant poster of Pope Paul II at Vatican"] AVANDIA FOR SALE, [/caption]

As many of you know, I was in Italy with family recently, and happened to be at the Vatican while they were gearing up for the heavily anticipated beatification ceremony of Pope John Paul II.

What a spectacle.

Beatification is the last stage before canonization, get AVANDIA, which is when a particular holy-person is recognized as a saint. AVANDIA price, coupon, To be beatified, the Holy-Person-in-Question (HPQ) must have performed a Vatican-approved, posthumous miracle, order AVANDIA online overnight delivery no prescription. Then the HPQ must perform a second miracle to be canonized.

The first miracle has already happened, AVANDIA FOR SALE. Generic AVANDIA, A Parkinson’s beleaguered nun prayed directly to Deucey (my pet name for Paul II) and lo, was her disease promptly cured. The alleged miracle was investigated by the Vatican's top theological and, AVANDIA dosage, ahem, AVANDIA from canada, medical experts and approved by current pope Benedict XVI, leaving Deucey to perform only one more miracle—which explains why your devout Catholic grandmother constantly keeps checking the back of her tortillas.

It is important to note that this process does not make the HPQ a saint, buy AVANDIA without a prescription. It merely recognizes that they have always been one, Taking AVANDIA, that God deemed them a saint a looong time ago, before they were born probably, and I gotta say, AVANDIA blogs, if I were an un-canonized saint—chilling beside the pool at God’s palace, AVANDIA used for, trying to enjoy my ambrosia margarita while all these Vatican assworms were demanding I show them a second miracle, I would jump down onto the dome of St. AVANDIA FOR SALE, Peter’s and say, “Listen up pissants. I’ll show you as many miracles as I freaking feel like showing!”

Unsurprisingly, AVANDIA class, there is a lot of controversy surrounding Deucey’s canonization, AVANDIA reviews, largely because Pope Benedict is rushing the process. He waived the traditional five-year waiting period and pushed the rest of the phases through so quickly, the beatification of Deucey is now on record as being the fastest in papal history, purchase AVANDIA online no prescription. Which makes me wonder, Rx free AVANDIA, when Deucey is canonized, of what will he be a patron.

As you probably know, AVANDIA schedule, there is a patron saint for just about anything you can think of. There is a patron saint of train travel, a patron saint for financial success, a patron saint against shipwrecks, a patron saint against witchcraft, a patron saint for bankers, bakers, bikers, beggars, bruises, butchers, butlers, beekeepers and babies, AVANDIA FOR SALE. Online buy AVANDIA without a prescription, There is a patron saint for blackbirds, blacksmiths, blackheads and black people (the patron saint of Negroes is Benedict the Black), AVANDIA gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release. There - is a patron saint of bartenders (my man, AVANDIA steet value, Saint Amand of Maastricht). There is a patron saint for greeting card manufacturers (St. Valentine) because, AVANDIA australia, uk, us, usa, you know, AVANDIA no rx, blessed are the greeting card manufacturers. AVANDIA FOR SALE, There are also highly silly or embarrassing patronages, such as patron saint against scabies, warts, hernias and hydrophobia and I hope, when Deucey is canonized, he’s assigned one of those embarrassing patronages, something like, “patron saint of fromunda”—because the whole thing stinks.


That’s why Benedict is rushing Deucey through the process. Because any discussion of his potential sainthood must include the fact that it’s largely his fault that The Lord’s Church became such an enormous smoking and sparking engine of sexual molestation, AVANDIA trusted pharmacy reviews. (Talk about a Deus ex machina!). Order AVANDIA from mexican pharmacy, So, the instant some miracle-hungry Bible clutcher finds a grease-stained tortilla that vaguely resembles a man’s face, Benedict and his Vatican experts will rubber stamp it as a miracle faster than anyone can say, real brand AVANDIA online, “Hey. That taco stain looks like Lady Gaga!”

They’ll canonize Deucey even though any clear-thinking person (who, um, happens to believe in saints, angels, praying and miracles and stuff) knows no real saint would’ve let the abuse scandal happen, AVANDIA FOR SALE. Ordering AVANDIA online, Any clear-thinking person (who believes in holy dead people who return to Earth in the form of magical ethnic foods) knows that not only is the former pontifex maximus not a saint, but that he’s the exact opposite: He’s an Aint: as in, the Patron Aint of Letting Children get Systematically Sexually Abused (oh, cheap AVANDIA, and also, Is AVANDIA safe, of diarrhea and dingleberries).

And he let it happen alright. Consider the case of Father Marcial Degollado, where can i buy cheapest AVANDIA online, who continued to receive Deucey’s protection even after a guilty verdict. Where can i buy AVANDIA online, Consider assface Cardinal Bernard Law of Boston, whom the former pontiff scuttled out of town (moments before his arrest) and rewarded with the ultra-cushy job of Archpriest in charge of Basilica Maggiore in Rome—instead of granting Law the more appropriate title of, Arch-Pederast in Charge of Lava Pit 36 in Hell, AVANDIA coupon.

[caption id="attachment_1725" align="aligncenter" width="219" caption="Arch Assface"][/caption]

Deucey did not punish a single child-raping scumbag or any of the high-ranking scumbags who shielded AVANDIA FOR SALE, child-raping scumbags. Because he either didn’t know what was going on (which means “The Holy See, Japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, ” didn’t see shit) or he knew and kept oiling and gassing the engine—the Rapus ex Machina—anyway. So it will take more than your standard, Cure-One-Case-of-Parkinson’s kind of miracle to make me believe that asshead was a saint, AVANDIA mg. Admittedly, Buying AVANDIA online over the counter, I’m a bit of a miracle snob but, c’mon—curing Parkinson’s. Cancer, AVANDIA wiki. That shit don’t impress me, AVANDIA FOR SALE. Diseases go into remission. Purchase AVANDIA for sale, It’s rare, but it happens; and it’s just plain silly to confuse our ignorance about disease with divine intervention.

I was talking about this with my wife’s parents, AVANDIA from canadian pharmacy. We pondered the age-old question, Purchase AVANDIA, “How come God never heals amputees?” I’m sure lots of people throughout the centuries have prayed for their limbs to be returned, so why has that type of miracle never happened. Because that AVANDIA FOR SALE, type of miracle would be a freaking miracle. The real deal, ordering AVANDIA online. It’s the kind of thaumaturgy Deucey would need to show me in order to even consider canonizing him. Fast shipping AVANDIA, Here are a few other miracles I’d accept from Paul II:

  • Replace every gun on the planet with a toy bang-flag gun.

  • Instead of frogs, make jalapeno poppers fall from the sky.

  • Make NFL players and owners suddenly realize their greed and agree to reduce everyone’s salaries enough that parents can bring some of their kids to a game without having to pawn the others.

  • Make all traffic-control video cameras also record the bedrooms of the City Council members who voted for them.

  • Make Fox News self-aware.

  • Make a strip club ATM that doesn’t charge more than the amount you’re trying to withdraw.

  • Make the CEO of every oil company suddenly realize his greed and—actually, just smite all the oil company CEOs.

  • Turn Newt Gingrich into a newt.

  • Sara Palin / Michelle Bachman lesbian sex tape—free download!

  • On your next taco appearance, AVANDIA photos, turn the guacamole back into an avocado.

Are you hearing these prayers, Purchase AVANDIA online, Deucey. Screw this Curing-One-Person-At-A-Time, noise. How about curing everyone who got AIDS because of your medieval, anti-condom crusade. Or, if you really want to impress me, go back in time and un-molest all those kids whose lives were destroyed on your watch. Now that’s a miracle I could rubber-stamp.


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[caption id="attachment_1728" align="aligncenter" width="216" caption="My man, Saint Amand of bartenders"][/caption]


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11 Responses to “AVANDIA FOR SALE”

  1. Susan L says:

    Hello Mr Decker,

    I would assume that you are already aware that the header City Beat uses for your ‘Sordid Tales’ column inadvertently (inattentively) kept Larissa Rose’s name for this week. Yikes! Hopefully, who(whom?)ever takes umbrage (certainly NOT me, I’m not Catholic, nor am I even Christian, which is a bit beside the point, given that I AGREE with your stance.) with your column this week will direct their ire/send their emails, and letters to you.

    Sincerely, Susan L

  2. Jackson says:

    ? Um, Ed, Negroes?? You gonna git some shit for that liberal, PC dude!

  3. Tino says:

    Glad to have you back from your trip safely. More happy to see your column back for my own selfish enjoyment. But I’m happy to know it has been St. Benedict the Black who has given me the many blessings I have in my life…like my student loans. Now if they could pull a miracle erasing everyone’s debt, or making everyone who ‘believes’ safe from disease in order to pro-create in a ’70′s hippie free love mixed with cavemen with clubs’ kind of way, I think I’d be down. Peace!

  4. Colleen says:

    Ed, Ed, Ed! Do you have any idea how dangerous it can sometimes be to be your friend??? “…And I’m pretty certain God’s gonna throw some lightning bolts around over this one…”

    I think I shall avoid being around for a little while! :-) Well written article btw…

  5. edwin says:

    Jackson, just because a word is obsolete don’t make it racist. Negro means “black” in several Latin languages. Black is the word I prefer to use when skin color/ethnicity is germane to the content (not a fan of African-American because of its clunky nature). However, in that paragraph, I think I used the word black like 37 times, so I needed an alternative. Negro felt right in the sentence, especially since we’re talking about an ancient Saint.

    Oh, and for the record, I may be liberal, but I’m the last person you could call politically correct.

    Now go drink some milk you right wing nutbag!

    love ya!

  6. I wonder if deucy is actually getting ass-raped by Lucifer as we speak. Now THAT’s a sex tape they should show at the seminary. Maybe it’ll keep those pederastic priests’ phallusses in their pants. Then again, maybe it’ll have the opposite effect.

    I would accept Deucy as a Saint if he could get Obama to stop stuttering when he’s not reading a teleprompter. Or if Netanyahu took a flaming sword and beheaded him in the name of Israel. Or maybe if the Republicans could find a candidate for president that wasn’t either a limp-wristed douchebag or a radical right-winger. I’d put flowers on his grave if he granted us an posthumous separation of church and state in this country.

    I’d love to see a lesbian sex tape with Hillary and any two of the twenty women Bill molested while in office. That would make me happy; but, it’s clearly not miracle material. It probably already exists.

  7. firecat_teaser says:

    Decker, I don’t think it’s up to you – a white male – to determine what is racist. Malcom X dissuaded black folk from using the word because of it’s connection to slavery. It’s even more obnoxious when a white guy uses it.

  8. edwin says:

    What is it with you and Obama’s teleprompter? Everyone in politics use teleprompters!

  9. Sheila G. says:

    Deucey! Hahahahaha! That’s hilarious! Really enjoyed this one!

  10. It’s not that I hate his teleprompter, it’s that you (and many others) eschewed Bush as practically illiterate and Obama as the great communicator, yet when Obama speaks without the teleprompter he sounds like um an uh, basically, uh, a stuttering uh, um… fool. Oh, and everyone in politics does not use a telepromoter.

    I’m just pointing it out since nobody else is. When are we gonna get a President we can be proud of? When can we get behind Edwin Decker for President?

  11. ed says:

    Nope. Not I, good sir. I never called President Bush an imbecile. I have said this from the start that you can’t be President of the United States if you’re an idiot. That it takes a certain level of intelligence just to get the job. He may have been an evil fucker, or just controlled by evil fuckers, but I never said he was stupid.

    Regardless, Obama is an infinitely better communicator than Bush was, despite his occasional “uhs” and “ums.” What Obama is great at is to say things that stir people’s emotions – positive emotions – because he either cares about the same things other humans care about or is really good at pretending to care.

    President Bush, on the other hand, either did not care and was not able to fake it or did care and was unable to show it. In either case, being that this is a discussion about communication, Bush was clearly inferior.

    Of course, if communication skills were the only requirement for being a good President, I might take you up on your offer to run for office. But, there’s a whole bunch of other stuff you gotta do that I know nothing about so i’ll have to pass. Thanks though. If I did run, would you be my mate?

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