Marijuana-not-crack.jpg SIBUTRAMINE FOR SALE, Have you heard the one about the drug-prevention activist who went to the reggae show and was outraged to learn they were smoking marijuana there.

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"I'm just kidding lover-pie. You can have whatever you like. Because it's your body, darling, and I want you to be happy."

Lights go down, band comes on, joints light up.

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"It's OK, get SIBUTRAMINE, honeyknuckles, Purchase SIBUTRAMINE online, they're just having a good time. You should try it."

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"Yes, What is SIBUTRAMINE, my sweet, sweet potato face, I am aware of that, cheap SIBUTRAMINE no rx. But you don't need to ride a rollercoaster to have fun, Australia, uk, us, usa, either. SIBUTRAMINE FOR SALE, You don't have to vacation in Rome, or go parasailing, or sit on the couch all day drinking gin rickeys and watching Reno 9-11 episodes. If you were lounging on La Costa Blanca beach and Antonio Banderas pulled up in a jet ski and cooed, 'Hop aboard, where to buy SIBUTRAMINE, mi amor, Comprar en lĂ­nea SIBUTRAMINE, comprar SIBUTRAMINE baratos, ' would you snub your nose and say, 'Sorry A.B., I don't need to ride jet skis with gorgeous Latino men off the shores of exotic Spanish beaches to have a good time'?"

Deep inside Lisa Silverman's lizard brain, order SIBUTRAMINE from United States pharmacy, a tiny light flickers on, awareness seeps in and she gazes at the joint in my hand. I spark it up and pass it over. She takes a drag and coughs. Then another. And another, SIBUTRAMINE FOR SALE.

Before long, she is in the moment, the smug gushing out of her pores like sour milk from the nose of a stand-up comedian's groupie. She smiles at me dreamily and begins gyrating to the gorgeous music massaging her eyes and ears.

I step behind her, slip my arms around her waist, push my pelvis against her buttocks and roam my hands along her hips as we sway together. I take the, um, doobie, from her fingers and pull a long and deep hit.

Lisa turns to face me and her aspartame-bloated lips find mine. Our mouths open and I exhale a cocktail of cannabis and saliva into her smughole, swirling it around with my tongue like a swizzle stick in the Collins glass of our passion.

After the show, we retire to her place, where we snort Vicodin, drink gin rickeys and entangle ourselves on her living room floor to the flickering images of Reno 911 on TV.
Ed Decker

Lisa Silverman BEFORE her date with Ed Decker


Reggae-Lisa (3).jpg
Photo Shop effects by Howard Knight.

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17 Responses to “SIBUTRAMINE FOR SALE”

  1. steve bloom says:

    Hey Ed,
    Funny piece!
    I was the guy quoted at the end of the Union-Trib piece saying Silverman and others just want to outlaw fun.
    Highest regards,
    Steve Bloom

  2. phillip banks says:

    Ed, Thank you x 3; I read your column this morning and it was almost better than a really good joint; I laughed til I got high. When I finally get the opportunity to use “prohibitches”, “smughole” & “aspartame-bloated…” I will be sure to give you your due credit. I await my chance!

  3. daniel says:

    Ok, I’m not normally an alarmist, but I’m sitting in Java Jones’, large hot coffee in hand, and I start into Sordid Tales’ Reggae Proper.
    At first, all SEEMS normal, including the appropriate “doobies” snicker. Amusing, right? But I was totally unprepared for what came next:
    “lance my chancres” LEAPT off the page, pierced my eyeball, did a fast Latin Hustle around my medulla oblongata, and IMMEDIATELY, the diaphragm spasmed, throat constricted, eyes narrowed, adrenalim bursting into the bloodstream, staccato snort and it was ONLY THROUGH THE KARMIC WILL OF THE UNIVERSE that I had not, because I lead a righteous life?, taken a sip of coffee.
    Because as surely as McCain invented the Blackberry (wait…), I would have SHOT THAT COFFEE OUT OF MY NOSE, likely injuring someone’s precious Shitsu, or worse, the lovely Kelly. This dangerous siituation would, no doubt, have led to cries of “Oh, The Humanity!”
    Listen. All I’m saying is post some kind of warning, next time, n’ok? If you had some “Handy Laugh-O-Meter” warning, UP FRONT, then I, and tens of thousands of other readers, wouldn’t fall victim to such dangerous situations. I dodged a nose-spurt this time, but what about next time? It’s a public service, and I don’t think it’s too much to ask.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Actually, Mike, I labored over that line. I do realize that marijuana is not the only message of reggae music. However, it is one of the messages, which is why I kept the line.
    Also, I don’t think your football analogy is relevant. There are no football teams named “We Love Beer” or “De-Regulate Alcohol Please,” but there are countless reggae tunes about smoking, growing, legalizing and celebrating marijuana pot. Reggae music itself is born of the Rasta religion which, in a large way, is centered around ganga.
    Still, I get your point and it’s a valid one.
    Thanks for your comments,

  5. Anonymous says:

    Once again you were able to put a smile on my face. Assholes like Silverman have nothing better to do than to crusade against what they see as the evils of society. The self righteous bitch probably couldn’t even feel the aura and conscious awareness that accompanies a reggae concert.

  6. D.A. Kolodenko says:

    man, i thought for sure that was gonna end in a 3-some with Antonio.
    very very funny ED! I hate Silverman. What a traitor to Jewishness.
    David Klowden
    Columnist – Presently Tense
    San Diego CityBeat

  7. Gayle says:

    And I would argue that some people would need even MORE marijuana to get them to a Hannah Montana or Jordan Sparks concert!

  8. mary stanford says:

    I was very surprised that insulting women who feel passionately about youth and their marijuana use became the focus of a journalistic article..what a cheap shot.
    Your article wasn’t funny, wasn’t truthful, and represents why newspaper journalists like you are considered hacks. It doesn’t take talent to offend people.

  9. edwin decker says:

    Mark, for the record, I do not consider myself — not when I’m writing my Sordid Tales column anyway — a journalist. Not in the way you mean. I’m a satirist. Whether or not you think it was funny is one thing, but to call me a journalistic hack is unfair because I do not, nor do the editors of the paper in which my column runs, purport it to be a work of serious journalism.

  10. Bruce says:

    Hey Ed -
    I love reggae, and have been to many, many concerts over the past 30 years. I’ve also read a lot about the Rastafari movement and Haile Selassie. I’m not sure that either would condone your mean-spirited trashing and ridiculing of another human being. And in fact, the message is love and tolerance…is it not?
    More inhaling and less typing Ed…then maybe you too will get the message.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Bruce, I’m not a Rastafarian, never claimed to be. So I am not beholden to their ideas of how to treat other human beings.
    I am down with tolerance though, and my column was not intolerant of anyone. It was merely a rant against someone with whom I vehemently disagree.
    Ranting is not intolerance. I tolerate Ms. Silverman just fine and have no interest in dictating what leisure activities she may enjoy. THAT would be intolerant.
    Ed Decker

  12. bizwiz says:

    Yet another amazing pile of crap-logic from Edwin Decker. He attacks Lisa Silverman because of her work to enlighten the public about rampant illegal narcotic use at a Reggae concert she attended.
    Decker’s logic is flawed at best. Following his line of ‘thinking’ I suppose it’s just fine if we look the other way at anyone shooting dope at the next Doors-tribute band? Heck, don’t heroin users just lay there and drool? How about our kids all go to an underground rave and get all whacked out on Ecstasy – it’s a harmless drug? Or, how about we start promoting that it’s just fine if at the next Metallica concert everyone is welcome to bring their meth and spark it up! Might be a few fights, stabbings and all but, it’s perfectly fine – just adults having fun right?
    Decker crosses the line personally attacking (even describing his dream date is a personal assault) Silverman. His narrow-minded heck, even if widely agreed-upon, opinion about pot has nothing to with Silverman’s character or work. Sure, pot is legal for medicinal use but, it’s not last I checked ok for widespread distribution and use in public venues. Her work to educate and hopefully stem the rampant use of pot is laudable and should be supported.
    Personally I love reggae music but, I often stay away from the larger venues as I experienced open and widespread pot smoking inside 4th and B at a Steel Pulse concert a few years ago. Police? Security guards? The guards were there but, had taken absolutely no action towards stopping any of the smoking let alone detaining or kicking anyone out. Police, I imagine are a bit over-whelmed seeing they are over 10% understaffed.
    I didn’t hear Silverman suggest that any type of music is the problem or, that any such music should be banned. All I read about her doing is making the management of the Del Mar Fair aware of a legal issue. I’d also exhort her to check out 4th and B, Street Scene or any venue that tolerates any illegal drug activity. Go after them with the full force of the law.
    And Decker’s fantasy that he and Silverman party and end up in some tangle? Ha! I’m almost certain that she’s most likely interested in intelligent, handsome, law-abiding and upright guys. Funny, over all the years’ I’ve seen people bash Decker for his pin-headed opinions and reviews I’ve never heard him called any one, much less all of, those things.
    Fat chance Decker. Get off the crack and back to reality.

  13. howardk says:

    Bizwiz wrote:
    > Following his line of ‘thinking’ I suppose it’s just
    > fine if we look the other way at anyone shooting
    > dope at the next Doors-tribute band? Heck, don’t
    > heroin users just lay there and drool? How about
    > our kids all go to an underground rave and get all
    > whacked out on Ecstasy – it’s a harmless drug?
    > Or, how about we start promoting that it’s just
    > fine if at the next Metallica concert everyone is
    > welcome to bring their meth and spark it up!
    Shooting dope, heroin, ecstasy, and meth? These drugs can be lethal if they are abused. How many cases of marijuana overdose have you heard of? Death by pot? How many 7-11′s and liquor stores have been robbed by a pot-adict? How many people have been mugged by a crazed freak so he can get his next fix of pot? Hmm? Also, I didn’t see you mention alcohol in your list. I guess that _drug_ is ok. Hmm?
    > Might be a few fights, stabbings and all but, it’s
    > perfectly fine…
    If anything, marijuana mellows people out, it doesn’t make them violent. You really don’t know what you’re talking about, do you?
    > Her work to educate and hopefully stem the
    > rampant use of pot is laudable and should be
    > supported.
    Educate? She’s on a moral crusade… She’s not trying to educate anyone. HARM’s (Health Advocates Rejecting Marijuana) charter (manifesto?) is full of fallacies. And are we supposed to take Silverman’s word when she makes statements like, “There were very few attendees who were not smoking marijuana”, and “I was offered a couple of doobies myself”? Bull!
    > I didn’t hear Silverman suggest that any type of
    > music is the problem…
    Are you suggesting that she just picked a Ziggy Marley concert at random?
    In any case, Silverman’s moral crusade against marijuana, and her (and HARM’s) blatant lies about its societal and medical problems is despicable. Unfortunately, ignorant idiots like you believe and support her and her cronies.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Wow Ed, your pieces are simply funny. But I have one question..Why are there all these people that pretty much hate your writings but apparently they read the whole pieces? I find that funny that in their free time they spend time reading your works and then bashing them when these people could be doing stuff way better. For the people that think Marijuana is bad..Why? Give a just reason. It is much safer than any drug and even safer than alcohol. Instead of just giving my opinions, I’ll also cite.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Couldn’t agree more. If you hate my words so much, turn the channel (to mix a metaphor).
    Don’t understand this irrational fear/hatred for marijuana. It is so much less of a societal decayer than pot could ever be.

  16. [...] my original article about her campaign to stop reggae, cuz of, you know, [...]

  17. John Rippo says:

    Christ Jesus, Ed, I hope nobody ever tells ol’ Honeyknucks that Tango came from whorehouses in Buenos Aires, or that jazz was born in the whorehouses in New Orleans, or that blues exists, or that opera was the 17th century Italian version of the Jerry Springer show performing the works of Krafft-Ebbing, or many early American folk songs have lyrics that would not be approved by the DAR. Obviously this lady has no sense of art, taste, humanity or public relations and I think you ought to let her have it with both barrels.

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