The walls are dark, mahogany stained
From this wood the blood not drained

Dark red and dim like murderous lanterns
The Red Fox Room is full of phantoms

Of Marion Davies, Fuzz, and Fredrick
Their spirits yet had not ascended

But no spirit known comes here more often
Than the loving ghost of Shirley Allen

Who played piano for many years
Who cancer took, despite our jeers

Who visits us from time to time
To try and touch what she left behind

Who whiffs the bistro back in the back
And presses face against stained glass

Who runs slender hand ‘cross piano keys
And strokes a melody with ghostly ease

The shadow of Shirley walks here still
‘Cause she, like we, can’t get our fill

Of this ancient inn from the 1500′s
From a small hilltop outside of London

Stowed piece by piece on a once great ship
And brought to America in ’26

They took it from there and rebuilt it here
Now Shirley’s grin spans ear to ear

Then the ghost of milady floats away
But will return another day.

To weave in and out of patrons tables
And listen to their dreams and fables.

In loving memory of the great Shirley Allen

(To be spoken/read in the style of the Gregorian Chant)

Then Jesus did pass the Tupperware to his disciples, and say,

“This . . . is my product line. It will keep the blood of the everlasting covenant fresh for we–eeks”

Jesus then showed them the deluxe set.

He opened his arms wide, and said, “Perhaps I can interest you in the hamburger press and freezer set? The Hamburger Press and Freezer Set makes a great Christmas gi–ift”

And the disciples passed it around.

And paul said, “Write me down for a set, Je–sus

And john said, “Me too–oo,”

And peter said, “I’ll take two, one for my sister and one for my bruh–ther.

And Judas testified, “But, Jesus, doth not Ziploc bags serve the same function as Tupperware and yet is much chea–per?

And Jesus said, “Yo Judas, why you always trying to fuck up my shi–it?”

Here is a live reading of The Last Tupperware Party

Thanks to Alicia Champion of Durga Sound for the audio

Driving our car through the drive-thru window
Of the Special Memory Wedding Chapel
In Las Vegas
My bride and I
Are getting hitched

And the radio goes,
“Going to the drive thru and we’re
Gonna get ma-a-arried”

My wife calls it
The McMarriage. . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We pull up to the window
And the Reverend appears

He spreads his arms and says,
“What are you having today my children?”

“We’ll take the number 4 combo,” I answer (That’s the ceremony, wedding music, a novelty license plate and two t-shirts commemorating the sacred event).

Around the Reverend’s neck dangles a gold cross on a fat golden chain

His hair, as Zevon would say, is perfect.

The watch on his wrist is Rolex.

And the name plate on the window sill says, Da Rev!

Da Rev looks my bride up and down, lingering on her soft swells

“Do you take this hot mama to be your wife,” he says, still staring at her ample chest.

“I do, I do, Indeed I do.”

So dark, so dark
here in the black hole of my blackout

It’s my own personal hell:
Where the bouncers are demons
under neon bonfires

Where the bartenders are zombies
with infections in their eyes

Where the pretty girls have razors for tongues
They kiss the boys and slice off their faces
then leave them bloody and twitching in a pile by the pool table
while oblivious demi-Gods finger each other in bathroom stalls

And the cave-beast is awake

I can hear him pacing
crunching on the bones of those who have blacked out here before.

It’s sure is scary inside my blackout

Another shot bartender please?

Uh – oh,
I think I’m falling off my stool again

Down, down, down
I am on the floor now

How did I get on the floor?

Is this my puddle of vomit I’m lying in?

And the rum-spiders swarm

They drink my puke and eat my eyeballs
And the beezle-bouncers lift me off the floor

They toss me to the cave beast
who rapes me with the femur of Charles Bukowski
and whispers ax-murder lullabies into my ear.

THE END

Here is a live reading on the radio of this poem.
(Drunk Thoughts (LIVE and SLOPPY)– June 1, 2007:

My Blackout

Thanks to Alicia Champion of Durga Sound for engineering the audio