Until now, I have gotten through this life without ever having to say those 7 terrible words. Through all the things that went wrong with me over the years – busted knee, fractured foot, bashed in teeth, ruptured eardrums, high arches – I was always grateful for never having problems with my penis or surrounding penile areas: Nary a crab has hiked across my murky grasslands, no herpes boil ever bubbled on my glans, no gonococcus has wriggled through my urethra, nor wart, nor chancroid, nor stalk of Chlamydia ever found purchase in the garden of my groinhouse.
