“Casting doubt on a basic principle of U.S. anti-drug policies, an independent [RAND] study concluded that marijuana use may not lead teenagers to [harder] drugs.”

Reuters 12/03/02

For our purposes, this story begins in 1937. It happened at the kangaroo hearings of the Marijuana Tax Act of 1937. It was at these hearings that Harry Anslinger, the commissioner of the then Federal Bureau of Narcotics, told Congress that marijuana is, “An addictive drug which produces in its users, insanity, criminality, and death."

Congress overwhelmingly agreed.

What happened next was sheer comedy. Anslinger’s contention that marijuana causes “insanity” opened the door to a new legal argument for accused criminals. It was called the Marijuana Insanity Defense, and it worked.

Oh boy, what a mess.

Man, oh man, am I aggravated to all-Hell. It's been almost a month now and I haven't been able to replenish my pot supply.

I know the reason too. It's the goddamned border patrol. They've been doing a kickass job over there at the San Ysidro border crossing lately. Every time you turn around, there's another story about another huge bust. A couple of weeks ago, I read a U-T article which reported that agents at the San Ysidro and El Centro borders collectively nabbed 10,000 pounds of pot in one week and because of busts like this, I can't get my goddamned hands on any goddamned Mexican weed.

While perusing MySpace, exploring with amazement the number of bands that come from Lithuania that want to be my “friend,” I came across the Barroid Bonds* page.

Also known as “The Virtual Asterisk Petition Page,” the Barroid Bonds site acts as an online petition in favor of placing an asterisk on the homerun record set recently by Barry Bonds, the San Francisco Giants player who has turned his body into a veritable punch bowl of banned performance-enhancing drugs.

The question as to whether asterisking juiced ball players is a good idea will be discussed later in this column; however, the question as to whether Barry Bonds is a great big stinking cheating cheater is no question at all.

The Bonds’ supporters argue that it takes more than strength to hit a ball out of the park. They say hitting a homer is about timing, vision, bat speed, concentration and a slew of other abilities that anabolic steroids don’t improve, which makes me wonder if the Bonds supporters weren’t all attending the National Convention of Total and Utter Idiots on the day God was passing out brainpower.

“We made a decision we’re going after every single shop that sells drug paraphernalia.”

—San Diego City Attorney Mike Aguirre, CityBeat, Nov. 28, 2007

Dear Mike Aguirre: Are you nuts? Do you really believe that anybody will stop doing drugs if you shut down the paraphernalia suppliers? We druggies are highly resourceful. When necessary, pot smokers can carve apples into elaborate smoking devices with nail files fabricated from possum bones. Your typical tweaker can comb an eight-ball out of the carpet with a pair of chopsticks. These are imaginative people, sir—they will not be forestalled.

As reported by CityBeat staff writer Eric Wolff, the city attorney sent letters to 52 smoke shops, ordering them to stop selling drug paraphernalia.

Question: If I can get all the hash, weed, coke, crack, smack and speed I need, do you think I’ll have any trouble whatsoever finding devices with which to consume them? Do you really believe, if your interdict succeeds, that one less bong hit will be sucked or one less gram snorted, cooked or smoked? As a recreational consumer of narcotics, I can tell you that I don’t see that happening.