As much as I complain about the imposition of the Ten Commandments unto our government, I will say that the authors of that document did have the right idea. There is something to be said about a list of rules and guidelines for us to follow so that we might better get along with each other.

The problem with the Ten Commandments is that it tries to be all things to all people. It is simply too generic a document to be applicable to all situations in life. For instance, the First Commandment, “Thou Shalt Have No God Before Me,” doesn’t really help you on the grocery store checkout line. Nor does the Fourth Commandment, “Honor Thy Father and Mother,” do a bit of good to that little boy living in a Cabrini Green rat’s cubby with a crack-addled mother who sells her ass for vials of rock.

Ever notice how all these conservative “family” groups are always so outraged about a perceived decline in our country’s values?

They think we’re going to Hell in a Hot Wheels and feel it’s their job
to reverse the trend.

Like when American Family Research Council got all agitated about that sexy Desperate Housewives promo that ABC ran before Monday Night Football, or when the American Family Association and The Howard Center for Family busted their nuts over the whole Janet Jackson Super Bowl debracle, or how a new film about Alfred Kinsey is gathering the ire of Focus on the Family, Defend the Family, Coalition of American Families, FamilyPolicy.net, Family.org, and holy coyote balls Batman, there sure are a lot of “family” groups out there.

I've been following the controversy surrounding the South Park episode in which the Crocodile Hunter appears with a stingray protruding from his chest.

(9 out out of 10 Catholics are just not Catholics)

". . . about 90 percent of the nation's Roman Catholics ignore their church's teaching on contraception."

Tim Townsend, St. Louis Post-Dispatch

Earlier this month, the order of American Catholic Bishops held a conference for the purpose of, among other things, to reexamining the Church’s position on birth control.

Almost unanimously the Bishops reaffirmed their position, which is, and has always been, the following: Artificial contraception is a mortal sin.

“Artificial” contraception, incidentally, is birth control by means of abortion, condom, vasectomy (and other forms of sterilization), intrauterine devices, the pill and even premature withdrawal.

Of course, it didn’t matter to the bishops when they voted (nor should it have) that 90 percent of American Catholics ignore the Church’s position on birth control, or at least that's what some polls say (scarce though they be).

I was in the gym, on the exercise bicycle, reading Rolling Stone when I laughed so hard I nearly fell off my bike. The article was about Matisyahu – the reggae, pop, hip-hop, beatboxing orthodox Jewish fellow who is currently blowing up the circuit. This article, like everything else written about Matisyahu, explored the lingering question that follows him everywhere he goes. That question is this: How does an orthodox Jew front a reggae, hip-hop, pop band without contradicting his orthodoxy?

Anyone who knows anything about Hasidism knows it has a lot of rules. It’s a religion chock full of rules, many of which would make being in a hip-hop, pop reggae outfit highly complicated. For instance, according to Hasidic law, Matisyahu (born Mathew Miller) must not have contact with women to whom he is not related, which means he can’t even shake their hands when they want his autograph.

“It’s hard to [say no] to every other person who comes up to you,” he complained in the RS interview. “It can come off as disrespectful.”

“Hey Edwin Pecker, Are you a Nazi?”

Adam Shila – North Park

My last column saying Hasidic rasta-singer, Matisyahu, was being disrespectful of women for not shaking their hands (a practice called shomer negiah) has garnered more fireworks than any other column I have written. As soon as the article hit the streets BANG! I immediately began receiving emails from all across the country calling me, “anti-Semitic,” “racist,” “skinhead,” “Nazi,” “white-hood wearer,” “member of a white power group,” and even, “a self-hating Jew.”

There are also numerous angry postings on various Jewish websites in cyberspace. Another responder with so-called connections threatened to bully Google to take us off their search engine. I just finished an interview about the scandal with Donald Harrison from the San Diego Jewish Times.² And, unbelievably, the Anti-Defamation League (ADL) has contacted us. Apparently, they’ve received a “score” of complaints about my column.

Ok, getting all irritated about some of the trash I write is one thing. I can even tolerate your calling me an Anti-Semite, or a Nazi. But going to the ADL to snitch on me is so weak.

“Mommy! Mommy! Eddie Decker is saying mean things to me. Make him stop!”

One time, when I was about 16 years old, I said the F-word to my mother. It was all very silly really. I was accused of something I didn’t do, an argument ensued, it escalated, then I cursed her out and ran downstairs to my room.

The next sound I heard was the thunderous pounding of my father’s footfalls, marching down the stairs to beat the lip off me. Dad was not an abusive man. He was just of the opinion that, “You don’t ever speak to your mother that way again you snotty little punk!” Luckily for me, my father was not religious, for the bible says, “He that curseth his mother shall surely be put to death.”

Whew! That could’ve been ugly.

The bible is big on capital punishment. In Leviticus 24:16 it warns, “He that Blasphemeth the Lord thy God shall be stoned.” In Leviticus 20:14 it says, “If a man taketh a wife and her mother, they shall be burnt with fire.” Exodus 31:15: “Whosoever doeth any work in the Sabbath day shall surely be put to death.”

O’ the list doth go on: False Gods = Death. Unbelief = Death. Wicca = Death. Incest = Death. Swinging = Death. Bestiality = Death. Spamming = Death (burnt by fire one would hope). Queer = Death. Adultery = Death.

How about this one, from Exodus 21:29: “If the Ox did push with his horn in time past . . . and he hath again [apparently ox gorings were rampant back then]; the ox shall be stoned and his owner put to death.”

I was reading a survey that was released recently by a polling group called Harris Interactive. The study was about God, or more specifically, how we think of him.

A little more than 2,000 people participated in the online survey in which they were asked such questions as, do they believe God is authoritarian or benevolent? Is he actively involved in the affairs of humans or totally removed? And what does he look like? Does God have a human form?

One of the more surprising finds (for me) is that, “42 percent of U.S. adults say they are not ‘absolutely certain’ there is a God.” I thought that number would be much lower, especially since only about 8 percent of the population defines itself as agnostic.

Have you been following the John McCusker Catholic homosexual burial debacle? What a holy roller coaster ride that has been. It all began when the family of John McCusker, the recently deceased owner of a couple of gay friendly nightclubs, arranged to have his funeral service at Immaculata Catholic Church.

“Heath Ledger is in Hell and has
begun serving his eternal sentence.”

That was a quote from the leaders of the Westboro Baptist Church, who, among others, are claiming that God killed Heath Ledger for portraying a homosexual in a big-time Hollywood movie.

While it is true that this particular church is wildly extreme, there have been plenty of other God-worshipper types who have made similarly despicable comments.

Like when local Christian crusader James Hartline said that God started the San Diego County wildfires because he was mad at us for being hospitable to gays. Like when Pat Robertson said Hurricane Katrina was God punishing New Orleans for being gay-friendly. Like when Jerry Falwell—may he Rot In Purgatory (RIP)—said 9/11 happened because America’s got the ACLU, the pro-choicers and, of course, the gays.